LIMERICKS

Lyrics

SAMPLE LIMERICK:
There was a young man from Australia, (Australia!)
Who went on a wild bacchanalia, (Baccanalia!)
He buggered a frog,
Two mice, and a dog,
And a bishop in fullest regalia. (OH!)

CHORUS:
Aye, aye, aye, aye,
(Spoken Insult):
So sing me another verse,
That’s worse than the other verse,
And waltz me around by my willie.

LIMERICKS:

There was a young lady named Anna, (Anna!)
Who stuffed her friend’s cunt with banana, (Banana!)
Which she sucked bit by bit,
From her partner’s warm slit,
In the most approved lesbian manner. (OH!)

In the Garden of Eden sat Adam, (Adam!)
Just stroking the butt of his madam, (Madam!)
He was quaking with mirth,
For on all of the earth,
There were only two balls, and he had ’em. (OH!)

A mathematician named Fine, (Fine!)
Always showed her classes a good time, (Time!)
Instead of multiplication,
She taught fornication,
And never got past sixty-nine. (OH!)

There was a young dino named Barney, (Barney!)
Whose treatment of kids was quite smarmy, (Smarmy!)
He’d probe every hole,
Then swallow ’em whole,
Till his shit looked like children con carne. (OH!)

There was a young lady from Munich, (Munich!)
Who was ravished one night by a eunuch, (Eunuch!)
At the height of her passion,
He slipped her a ration,
From a squirt gun concealed in his tunic. (OH!)

There once was a woman from Phlox, (Phlox!)
Who set dynamite off in her box, (Box!)
To describe the sensation,
She cried with elation,
“It’s better than elephant cocks!” (OH!)

A woman from South Carolina, (Carolina!)
Placed fiddle strings ‘cross her vagina, (Vagina!)
With proper sized cocks,
What was sex, became Bach’s
Toccata and Fugue in D Minor. (OH!)

A certain young maiden from Babylon, (Babylon!)
Decided to lure all the rabble-on, (Rabble-on!)
By dropping her shirt,
And raising her skirt,
Exposing a market to dabble-on. (OH!)

There once was a rabbi from Keith, (Keith!)
Who circumcised men with his teeth. (Teeth!)
It was not for the treasure,
Nor sexual pleasure,
But to get at the cheese underneath. (OH!)

There was a young man of Koblenz, (Koblenz!)
The size of whose balls was immense, (Immense!)
One day playing soccer,
He sprung his left knocker,
And kicked it right over the fence. (OH!)

There was a young lady named Alice, (Alice!)
Who used dynamite for a phallus, (Phallus!)
They found her vagina,
In North Carolina,
Her arsehole in Buckingham Palace. (OH!)

There once was a lady from Arden, (Arden!)
Who sucked a man off in a garden, (Garden!)
He said, “My dear Flo,
Where does all that stuff go?”
And she said (swallow hard)”I beg pardon?” (OH!)

There was a young lady named Alice, (Alice!)
Who thought of her cunt as a chalice, (Chalice!)
One night sleeping nude,
She woke, feeling lewd,
And found in her chalice a phallus. (OH!)

There once was a villain, so feared, (Feared!)
He tied a girl to the tracks and leered, (Leered!)
But he tied her up the wrong way,
Not sideways, but longways,
And a forty-car train disappeared! (OH!)

There once was a priest form Boston, (Boston!)
Who found a pub he liked to get sauced in, (Sauced In!)
But, in walked a boy and a mule,
And he started to drool,
For he didn’t know which ass to get lost in. (OH!)

There once was a man from Kildare, (Kildare!)
Who was screwing his lady on the stairs, (Stairs!)
But on the 35th stroke,
The banister broke,
So he finished her off in the air! (OH!)

INSULTS:

Your mother and father were brothers

Your brother fills empty cream donuts

Your father eats your brother’s cream donuts

Your sister eats bat shit off cave walls

Your sister leaves slime trails like snails

Your mother does squat thrusts on silos

Your brother eats grandfather’s donuts

Your sister douches with Drano

Your sister swims after troop ships (and catches them)

Your sister’s in love with a carrot

Your sister goes down for a quarter

Your sister sucks moose cum off pine cones

Your mom uses Frisbees for diaphragms

Your sister got turned down by hashers

Your mother’s vibrator is made by John Deere

Your mother uses hamsters for tampons

Your sister rides bikes without seats

Your mother’s so dry the crabs carry canteens

Your brother eats green spots out of birdshit

Your mother thinks bedpans are soup bowls

Your father catches cum with his mustache

Your brother jerks off in confessionals

Your father sucks farts out of sofa cushions

Your mother gets gangbanged by scout troops

Notes

A limerick is sung to start the song by an individual with the last word from the first two lines repeated back at the individual. The chorus follows each limerick. During the chorus, the first line is sung by the group, then an insult is spoken by an individual, and then the last three lines are sung by the group again. The object is to take turns singing limericks and telling insults. Whoever said the previous limerick usually yells out the personal insult in the chorus, but this is at the discretion of the RA. The song usually concludes with the chorus when there are no more limericks to be sung.